Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I am with the Qadim


O son, I've been suffering from a bout of spiritual drought, so it was a relief to read Mawlana Shaykh Nazim's sohbet on 'love as the water of life.' He said, "Everything pertaining to this world is impermanent, constantly in a state of transition."

That statement reminded me of one of our earliest gurus, Ustaz Shu'ib (Rahimallahu Ta'ala). He said, "We often hear people make remarks, 'Oh you have changed, you look different now.' Of course we change, we are muhaddas, BUT in your heart, whenever people say such things to you, remember in your heart, remember to say in your heart, 'I am with the Qadim.'

Today, ten years later, Ustaz Shuib's advice makes more sense to me. Habib Yusuf Bakhur al-Hassani also talked about the same thing. In his sohbet in KL recently, he mentioned ma'iyatul mutlak (the ultimate presence). And for the umpteenth time he quoted the wirid of Imam Sahl al-Tustari - AllahHu Ma'ie - 'Allah is with me'. I am not good in Arabic but understood from the various gurus who have spoken about ma'iyah, that it refers to 'presence'. It's about knowing, feeling and internalizing the fact that He is present with you.

And if we were to take it to another level, He is ma'iyatul mutlak. He, the Ever Present is the ultimate presence. You are NOT. You are not present with yourself. You are naught. That is why Habib Yusuf kept telling us to get rid of the I-ness, to get rid of ananiyah.

O son, we have to repeat this point over and over because that's what all the sufi gurus keep repeating and keep telling us. So know who you are and know who you are with. Sometimes we think we got it, we understood the spiritual realities that the gurus want us to achieve, at other times we forgot. That is fine because Mawlana Shaykh Nazim said in the sohbet we quoted yesterday:
"Longing for the attainment of the spiritual realities
of which you have caught a glimpse,
is the means to their attainment."

So, long for it!

1 comment:

  1. Salam Sister Ezza

    May Allah swt bless you lots and keep you steadfast on his path, Ya Matin. To my suprise, and a pleasant one that it was, I read a mention on your blog to me, for me and at me. I mention the quote that brought me to you in the first place ""A Faithful believer to a faithful believer is like the bricks of a wall, enforcing each other". I am realising this now more than ever.

    I could not breathe yesterday, I am yearning to get out of this state and desperately trying hard to get rid of ananiyah. Yesterday I mentioned to a friend - a non believer - of my intention to wear the hijab. The comments I received shook my faith, I began to doubt myself, and my beliefs, astaghfirullah. How hard it is to keep going in the face of disbelief in His oneness that surrounds us. May Allah swt help us to break out of the shackles of the dunya. Praying extra hard now that Allah gives me the Tawfik to do this, another sister advised me to do istikhara - but I already know I want to wear the hijab, its the tawfik I need, Ya Qawi.

    This weekend I had the pleasure of attending a wedding, a good friend got married. I was dressed to my finest, as people do. However this time it was different I was no longer content in how I was dressed, and all I could do was look at all the women in hijabs as opposed to those that were not and envy them.

    I am being patient as you advised, and knocking on His door, but then I read this:

    Salih Qazwani always taught his disciples, “Who knocks at the door of someone constantly, one day the door must be opened to him” Rabi’a one day heard it and said,

    “Salih, how long ‘will you go on preaching thus, using the future tense, saying ‘will be opened’? Was the door ever closed? It was ever open.”

    I realise it is only me stopping me. I must commit now before it is too late. I have set a date in mind of when I want to wear the hijab, inshallah. I am building up my resolve, its hard fighting yourself. But this struggle is what it is all about.

    May Allah swt grant us a meeting in person in the future, inshallah.