|Yasmin Mogahed at PICC Malaysia|
When Allah honors a person with so much wisdom, his/her speech is nothing but sparks of brilliance. MashaAllah. Yasmin is simply brilliant. One most important takeaway was how she elucidated the meaning of loving for the sake of Allah - how to love the right way.
She said in regard to personal relationship: "Many wish things were different. As in many sickness and issues that need to be resolved in marriage, amongst family and friends, the solution is with Allah and healing is in the Quran. The Quran teaches us the way to love and interact with creation that is healthy and not based on neediness or selfishness. So how do we love for the sake of Allah?
Yasmin gave an analogy of a rich person and a beggar and their differences. A rich person is in a position to be generous, whereas a beggar is someone who is dependent, needy and always taking. A rich person is someone who enters a marriage with not many expectations compared to a beggar. The rich person is in a position to love for the sake of Allah because he/she would have a more positive psychological and emotional disposition because "I am not being filled by you. I'm not dependent on you. I'm not expecting from you to make me feel good about myself because I already get all these things from Allah. I am already rich because Allah gives me."
But when we enter marriage, we have lots of expectations. 'I expect you to fix me. I expect you to complete me. I expect you to save me.' These are false expectations. We cannot expect a human being to be like Allah because only Allah can heal us, complete us and save us. No Prince Charming can do it. Prince Charming is a myth. And your life doesn't begin with a marriage or a man. So never go to the creation to fill you, complete you or save you. Only go to Allah for these things. Only then you will become a rich person and when you are married, you won't be a beggar. Only then you will be a generous wife, daughter, friend etc. This will transform relationship. 'I love you because of Allah, not because you fill me, give me or help me.' So this is how the Quran heals our relationship.
Yasmin also talked about dealing with anger, frustration and disappointment. She said, it all lies in the expectation. So we need to manage our expectations. We expect so much from this dunya as if it's Jannah. To a question from the audience about people who get especially disappointed because (they think) they are a "giver" yet the other party is not acting or reciprocating as per their expectation, Yasmin advised: When you give for the sake of Allah, you should expect your reward from Allah and not that person (the recipient of your favours). You cannot be thinking "I give you so that I could get from you." Instead, "give so that I could get from Him (Allah)."
She said from her experience, people whom we help are likely to not appreciate it and they might even turn against us. But if we give for the sake of Allah, when this happens, we will be ok. However, we cannot blame people for behaving that way (for not appreciating) because we are not perfect. But Allah will always reward us and He never forgets anything.
More from the event in other postings, InshaAllah.
This entry is especially for Hajjah N of Cape Town who informed this faqir of the event.