Repent from your existence

Bismillah.

Today was mentally challenging and spiritually draining as I tried to balance between what I 'thought' was mentally correct while letting go of my 'self' at the same time. So the result is a somewhat perplexed and drunkard person.

And as I struggled with time in posting something for you today, I flipped through one of the thickest books I have got (The Heritage of Sufism) and I saw this:

"If you do not come to repent your existence,

You'll never approach the circle of gnostics and drunkards.

Unless in others' eyes you become an infidel,

In the creed of lovers, you'll never be Muslim."

- Abu Said Abil Khayr (967-1049 CE)

So what do you think? Now it is an irrelevant question, isn't it? In fact, the maxim "I think, therefore I am" does not apply here because we are supposed to think I am NOT.

Oh....when will I repent from my existence and be done with 'thinking'?!

p/s

Thanks for putting up with me.