Who am I? Who are we?

Bismillah.

I guess you may wish to continue being here on this space, in my company because I am a jahil who is not pleased with myself. 

Why? Because we have learned just recently that Ibn Atha'illah said: it's better to sit in the company of a jahil who is not content with himself than sit with a scholar who is pleased with himself.

I am nothing. I may even be a hypocrite because I am weak at practising everything that I've written here. There's not a day when I don't feel bad because I cannot practise everything I've learned and shared here. I struggle. I am a struggling Muslim who is trying to do more good deeds to neutralize or top my bad deeds. I am not strong enough to do plenty of nawafil prayers etc. But I think God has given me some strengths in other areas. And all I know is that I have been strongly inspired to do this blog, for the time being. Alhamdulillah. Still we cannot be sure if anything we do is accepted by Allah. I remember the advice my first guide gave to me. He said, don't think too much, just do because we will never know which of our amal will be accepted by Allah. As a servant, we should just start doing something and let Him finish it. Let Him determine the outcome. Our role is to just do and let go.

Needless to say, I am not a sufi. I just like the idea of purifying myself in the way that the Sufis do it. I am inclined towards tariqa because in tariqa the business is about polishing oneself. It's never about checking on others. I have never been so conscious of the Prophet s.a.w until I got involved with tariqa. I was never attached to a tasbih until I joined tariqa. I was never accustomed to doing hundreds or thousands of zikir until I joined tariqa. Still having said that, I quote the advice of one of my guides, "do not be too obsessed with the tariq (path) that you lose sight on the goal/destination i.e. haqiqah and makrifah. And whatever it is shari'a is our garment."

I related this story before but I'll mention it again. One honorable shaykh had phoned me once. I was shivering feverishly when told he wanted to speak with me. Who am I? When I was on the phone with him I admitted being scared if he's going to scold me for having done/said something wrong. Then he said this which I engraved in my mind. He said "I don't judge people. It's Allah who judge." Subhanallah, this was a shaykh who's so high up there! Then I realized Allah is fair and all-knowing because this was the shaykh for whom I had stood under the hot sun for hours to paint the gate and fence of my house because someone said he would arrange for this shaykh to come visit. I went all out, I mean all out, to prepare for his visit but it didn't materialize somehow. But look, Allah repays in His own way. One short conversation with the shaykh was all I needed. Shukran lillah!

When I announced a plan to make this space private, some people wrote in to express their support for this insignificant work. Thank you! You are very kind and compassionate. Anyway, I will reiterate that I am like a typist here. I am merely a secretary who writes whatever the superior says. I am just a reporter so please don't be so hard on me. If you are not happy with anything you see here, talk to the Boss!

And please...please excuse my crazy nonsense, my hadhayan heh...heh. Oh by the way, we can only do a "heh heh", not a "hah hah" and surely not LOL, because Shaykh Hamza Yusuf said the Prophet s.a.w didn't do that. A smiley, yes : )

Thanks again for your tolerance and understanding.

As ever,
E

p/s No picture of yours truly. Maybe next time : )