Who am I? | Dreamer

Bismillah.

A little bird told me some curious souls are googling "who is E.Ismail Lisan al-Din"
LOL.

The answer to that query is: she is a dreamer. Although in the blog profile she describes her occupation as a seeker and a lover. LOL.

Anyway, she'd like to quote Joan Didion:

"I write entirely to find out
what I'm thinking,
what I'm looking at,
what I see
and what it means.
What I want
and what I fear."

Yes.

I'm thinking "me" is all I have, the raw vulnerable me. I can't photoshop me - my soul; just that my photos tend to look photoshopped but actually no, it looks better than I do in person cos I use Samsung Note and "sharpen" is the chosen "effects". But it's all my own face. LOL.

I write to find out what I am looking at. I'm looking at life on a daily basis as I embrace it with gratitude hence the attempt to blog daily, sometimes ahead of time, sometimes backdated. I used to write more serious stuff on Islamic lessons from majlis taalim which I attended quite regularly but not anymore cos I have changed and grown to be a different kind of person as compared to my early years of blogging. There are still plenty of religious information which I had posted that are yet to be internalized and practiced. Though I'm glad I have memorized almost all of the new selawat I heard/learned from the shuyukh. Alhamdulillah.

Writing makes me truly see things from an intimate angle. Oftentimes, I see the one obvious reality that life is short thus we have to prioritize our time wisely. I am grateful for the tawfik-boost that I've been getting lately so I read the Quran daily and make plenty of selawat. Alhamdulillah. This is a wonderful blessing really, cos some holier-than-thou people called me "satanic". They should leave me to my path cos I don't contribute to their book of deeds. LOL.  

Anyway, when I write, no matter how tasteful or tacky my writing appears to be, it helps me dive deeper on the meaning of the subject that I dwell upon. It helps me find some clarity to this subjective and dynamic thing called life.  

And when I write, I somehow would discover what I really really want to express from the random mental sparks that hibernate in the brain and the waves of feeling that engulfed my heart. 

As I write, I realize my fears get unmasked...so I often wonder if it might be my last posting. I can't help but wonder how would some of the regular genuine readers know if I have moved on to meet the Lord. 

So, I agree with Joan Didion.

Anyhow, who am I, is of course not important to you or anyone as we are all obsessed and preoccupied with knowing ourselves. One of the popular Sufi maxims is that he who knows himself knows his Lord. Yes, life is primarily about knowing oneself, knowing the Lord and worshipping the Lord we know.

Never mind me, this is another typical Saturday nite rambling. LOL. Just leaving a small insignificant mark that I am alive and grateful for today.

"You may say I am a dreamer, 

but I am not the only one..."