Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Heart of mine


O son, I have been crying tonight because someone brought me down with some condescending remarks. Someone thought I am not holy enough to be advising others, that I need to work on myself a lot more than busy myself on a daily basis to counsel others.

I will repeat for the umpteenth time that the entries serve as a reminder to me and my/our future generations - to document what I have learned or read, so I could revisit, revise and be reminded. So far, I am still inspired and given the strength to write daily, so be it. Should Allah wish to change things tomorrow let it be, our hearts are in between His two fingers, la hawla wala quwwata illah billahil aliyil azim.

I know who I am. I am not an Al-Azhar graduate, I am not a hafizah (a lady who memorizes the Qur'an) and I don't understand Arabic either. I just have a heart. A heart that wants to speak up. A rusty heart that is struggling to get polished. A heart that wishes to share what goes into it. A heart that is not ashamed to cry. A heart that is not embarrassed to ridicule itself for its follies. A heart that is weak and lonely sometimes so it cherishes the words of encouragement and friendships that this blog has earned. Alhamdulillah, thank you, you know who you are.

By Allah, He could reveal my shortcomings and all of you might shy away. It's all His prerogative. I do not have to justify myself either by declaring my spiritual routine to qualify myself in doing what I do. I know advising others is not a fard (obligatory). But I also know that Ghawth al-Azam said we should share and practise as we learn. And that we should share even one piece of knowledge.

O son, I believe there is a time for everything. 2009, 2010 is a year of blogging, it looks like it. 1993 to 2003 (more or less) were years of sinning. Well I still am for I am weak. I'm like a child who has just started crawling - as far as my deen is concerned, as far as purifying myself is concerned. Who knows what November brings, or what 2011 has in store, who knows? This insignificant blog might just dissappear, I might dissappear. Everything has its season and when I am gone, I pray Lisan al-Din will remain as a season of love towards the mukminin, solehin, ariffin, habaib, awliya, anbiya and Muhammad RasulAllah, InshaAllah.

And as we embrace the seasons of our lives, let's pray for husnul khatimah so we could go back to Him with qalbun salim, a sound heart that is, bi-iznillah.


  1. Salam,

    Ingatlah doa qunut yang kita baca selalu:

    "Laa yazilluu man waa lait, wa laa ya'izzu man 'aadait".

    - tidak akan hina org yang Allah muliakan (biarpun dicaci/herdik oleh sesiapa), dan tidak akan mulia org yang dihinakan Allah (biarpun melambung pujian diucapkan manusia).

    Teruskan usaha anda itu.

    Inna waliyyiya Allahu allathee nazzala alkitaba wahuwa yatawalla alssaliheena.

    7:196 "For my Protector is Allah, Who revealed the Book (from time to time), and He will choose and befriend the righteous.


  2. Salam Hazbu,
    Thanks from the bottom of my heart.
    Thanks also for sharing that verse from the Qur'an.
    I shall memorize it:
    "Inna waliyiya Allah..."
    I sincerely hope that this would be the last posting which I lament/defend myself from my critiques.
    I truly appreciate everybody's understanding, tolerance and support.


  3. Allah Azza Wa Jalla said: And in yourselves, do you not see?

    The person who outwardly said that to you needs to be taught his own lesson. Is he a Mursyid to abhor someone like that? If the answer is no, then he is heedless of his own words. Woe be upon a preacher who does not practice what he preaches

    -Mas Taj-

  4. bismillah hir rahman ni rahim

    my dear girl you must escape yourself to the next level, shame on me asking Allah The all Knower with so many things,,,,Mashallah.

    "It is He Who hath created for you all things that are on earth, moreover His design comprehended the heavens, for He gave order and perfection to the seven firmaments; and of all things He hath perfect knowledge".....2:29

  5. Dear Sister, do not be discouraged.. I do not fail to check even a single day after knowing its existence.. Keep up the good work.. Allah knows ur true intention..

  6. Kun ma Allah

    Be with Allah, does anything else matter anymore when you are with Him,for Him?

  7. Salam Ezza...

    Pedulikan dengan apa orang nak cakap. Itu hak dia. Kita takde kuasa nak menahan, right?. As one of the commentator said, do not be discourage, I do agree with him/ber 100%. Keep on writing....keep up the good work...

    I know some articles are not yours but you are kind enough to share with us. So be it. One person doesnt like it, but there are others who enjoys reading it.

    The 4 blessed ways to live your life:
    Look back & thank ALLAH..
    Look forward & trust ALLAH...
    Look around & serve ALLAH...
    Look in your heart & find ALLAH.....

    Semoga segala usaha Ezza dirahmati Allah, amin...amin...amin

    Kak Mastura

  8. Thank you Kak Mastura, Mas Taj, Abdul, Hazbu and Anonymous brothers/sisters,
    I just don't know what else to say.
    Thank you for being compassionate.
    Wassalammualaikum warahmatullah.

  9. Salaam Ezza

    May Allah protect your heart from these people and may you continue to be an inspiration to us(i.e. followers of your blog). Clearly their hearts are out of sync with ours.

    Was salaam

    Cape Town Follower

  10. Salam warahmatullah
    Dear brother from Cape Town et al.

    Thank you very much for your du'a. Like many of us I live and thrive on good words and du'a coming from sincere and beautiful hearts.

    Just that I got disillusioned when people I thought were in sync with me, people whom I have begun to trust suddenly sent out the wrong signals. I am still shocked at the things that I have gone through since I started blogging. I don't mean to blame others entirely, I have got my own faults and weaknesses too. But I got disillusioned when people who first seemed to be supportive of me for the right reasons suddenly go against me. It's heartbreaking.

    Please, I seek your prayers (all of you) so that Allah will protect me from bad company for I am weak and I get easily influenced since I trust people easily.

    I hope all those having a bad niyyat towards me would leave me alone because all I want to do is be a good Muslim, that's all.

    May Allah continue to grant us hidayah and tawfik in keeping with shariat and sunnah.
    May Allah forgive me and those who have wronged me. May Allah forgive us all.

    Thanks again for all the good wishes.