O son, I have been crying tonight because someone brought me down with some condescending remarks. Someone thought I am not holy enough to be advising others, that I need to work on myself a lot more than busy myself on a daily basis to counsel others.
I will repeat for the umpteenth time that the entries serve as a reminder to me and my/our future generations - to document what I have learned or read, so I could revisit, revise and be reminded. So far, I am still inspired and given the strength to write daily, so be it. Should Allah wish to change things tomorrow let it be, our hearts are in between His two fingers, la hawla wala quwwata illah billahil aliyil azim.
I know who I am. I am not an Al-Azhar graduate, I am not a hafizah (a lady who memorizes the Qur'an) and I don't understand Arabic either. I just have a heart. A heart that wants to speak up. A rusty heart that is struggling to get polished. A heart that wishes to share what goes into it. A heart that is not ashamed to cry. A heart that is not embarrassed to ridicule itself for its follies. A heart that is weak and lonely sometimes so it cherishes the words of encouragement and friendships that this blog has earned. Alhamdulillah, thank you, you know who you are.
By Allah, He could reveal my shortcomings and all of you might shy away. It's all His prerogative. I do not have to justify myself either by declaring my spiritual routine to qualify myself in doing what I do. I know advising others is not a fard (obligatory). But I also know that Ghawth al-Azam said we should share and practise as we learn. And that we should share even one piece of knowledge.
O son, I believe there is a time for everything. 2009, 2010 is a year of blogging, it looks like it. 1993 to 2003 (more or less) were years of sinning. Well I still am for I am weak. I'm like a child who has just started crawling - as far as my deen is concerned, as far as purifying myself is concerned. Who knows what November brings, or what 2011 has in store, who knows? This insignificant blog might just dissappear, I might dissappear. Everything has its season and when I am gone, I pray Lisan al-Din will remain as a season of love towards the mukminin, solehin, ariffin, habaib, awliya, anbiya and Muhammad RasulAllah, InshaAllah.
And as we embrace the seasons of our lives, let's pray for husnul khatimah so we could go back to Him with qalbun salim, a sound heart that is, bi-iznillah.