Monday, December 3, 2018

December Twenty Eighteen | Khabar terakhir...mungkin


Ahhh...I have been busy elsewhere, and I am still busy with my studies...but I was reminded of this space I have been loyal to for the past nine years when I saw someone on Insta posted a very pretty photo of his bike at Maida Vale tube station in London. 'Maida Vale' was like one sharp blade that cuts open one of many memories I had collected from this blog. That's why I am here today, to register my thoughts, recollect my feelings and reflect upon them. But nah...I refrain from elaborating my 'Maida Vale' story cos it's not worth it. I want to stay curious as to who would come crawling seeking forgiveness at Mahsyar for having wronged me and my family.

Looking back, I feel good cos for every inconvenience and harm, there's a reward from Allah. There have been big rewards from Allah, I am humbled and delighted. I think the best part about winning after having surrendered to the decree of Allah, was when some people thought you were losing. Anyways, I pray Allah converts all our misdeeds and helps us purify our intentions every step of the way.    

Some people have problems with me speaking my mind here. But that's their problem. They going around campaigning against me, that's their problem. They looked down on me as a woman, forgetting they have children under their responsibilities, that's their problem. They were arrogant about their background, image, network, bla bla bla, that's their problem. But if they did cast 'sihir' on me, I pray the evil return to them and their clan.

This space is special for the numerous lessons I learned. This space is special for the times that it has witnessed - my journey, both tangible and spiritual journey, for close to 10 years. I can safely say that I am not some new kid on the repentant journey who gets overzealous in wanting to do religious works, thinking he/she is the select few who understood better the meaning of 'amal jariah', sincerity, etc.

When I revisited my old postings on lessons/notes from majlis taalim, it became clearer to me that I knew nothing and that it was a pure gift from the Lord that I became both a receptacle and conveyor to some extent. I have always believed that each one of us will find the lessons we need at the appointed time therefore, it does not matter how many followers this blog has. It had reached its seekers and it will continue to reach its seekers, God Willing. 

From the bottom of my heart, thank you, you genuine readers who are not here to find faults, you genuine readers who are here to see the good and leave the not so good. Thank you for being a part of my nine years' of experiences thus far. May Allah reward you abundantly for your good thoughts and wishes.

Ketulusan hati terhadap qada dan qadar Allah; bersangka baik terhadap takdir Allah, itulah senjata kekuatan hati buat saya selama ini bi-iznillah. Hampir 10 tahun berlalu di ruangan sederhana ini, saya bersyukur atas setiap yang disaksi mata hati, atas setiap rasa yang terbit di sanubari, atas setiap renungan pengajaran yang membina jiwa.

Terima kasih diucapkan kepada pembaca yang ikhlas masih setia melanggani blog sehingga ke hari ini walaupun saya sudah jarang-jarang di sini. Saya memohon maaf kepada pembaca-pembaca yang jujur terhadap saya, yang pernah mengenali saya secara peribadi atau menerusi karya di sini, bahawa saya sudah tidak lagi berupaya memberi sesuatu yang mungkin anda hajati. Namun saya yakin, anda, pembaca yang bersikap benar terhadap saya, anda sangat matang menilai peredaran waktu dan tuntutan kepada perubahan. Dan hakikat bahawa setiap sesuatu itu ada naik turunnya serta pasti ada pengakhirannya.

Sekali lagi, terima kasih kerana menemani saya di sini selama ini.
Moga Allah memberi anda kurnia yang hebat-hebat atas sangka baik anda terhadap diri saya dengan segala kekurangan yang ada pada diri saya.

Fi amanillah.
WaSalamualaikum warahmatullah.

Lisan al-Din writer
April 2009 - December 2018