I am a struggling Muslim, so what?

Bismillah.

Allahu Allah, I don't know where to start. Maybe I should first say thank you to this one servant of Allah, I must thank her for making me cry out of humility and gratitude because her message made me reminisce my turbulent journey as a struggling Muslim. Please know that it's just as hard for born-Muslims. I am not a qualified ustazah to be guiding reverts. But I will share a little bit of my experience in order to hopefully illustrate a few obvious points: that things are difficult before they become easy; that we have got to start somewhere and that we should just keep doing whatever we can.

Fine, I was born a Muslim but I remembered feeling hopeless when I realized I didn't know how to pray. I was 10 then. Thereafter I learned, but soon after I forgot until I felt the same feeling of hopelessness again when I was 18 and again at 27. Astaghfirullah. It was very difficult for me to do solat then. But I remembered at that time Allah had made it easy for me to learn and recite Ayatul Qursi regularly and memorize a couple of du'a. Alhamdulillah.

I think it doesn't really matter if one has the opportunity to sit through a proper or formal religious course or not. Yes, it helps but it's ok if you missed the chance. Know that at the end of the day it is Allah who whispers into the heart, ilham and knowledge of things we never knew before. He is the ultimate Teacher. Just be grateful and flow with His flow. Let's say you only know Al-Ikhlas for now, it's ok, be thankful and just recite it as much as you can, perhaps 200 times a day. Believe me, many born-Muslims probably know Al Ikhlas and a host of other surah but how many of them actually recite Al Ikhlas 200 times a day?  

Almost everyone (Muslims) knows about Auzubilahi-minashaitanirajim but how many of the 'better' Muslims have got the certainty hence able to submit completely to Allah for protection from shaytan, just by saying that holy phrase? I only realized this salient point two nights ago from watching TV. (By the way, Malaysia is currently hosting an international musabaqah (Quran recital) competition and it's being telecast live in many Muslim countries.)

Anyway, I chanced upon one qari who was reciting this verse quoted below and it hit me hard. I mean, of course, I know auzubilahiminashaytanirajim since young but only two days ago (at this age) did I come across the exact verse of the Qur'an which mentioned it and only now do I truly realize how powerful that simple phrase is and particularly the underlined verse as follows:

"And when you recite the Qur’ān, seek refuge in God from Satan the outcast. Indeed he has no power over those who believe and put their trust in their Lord. His [Satan’s] power is only over those who choose him as [their] patron," (Surah An Nahl 98 -100)

My dear friend, what I am trying to say here is: it's ok if you don't know much, just pray Rabbi zidni ilma, war zuqni fahma - 'O Lord increase me in knowledge and grant me understanding'. And bank on whatever little knowledge and understanding which He has granted you so far. If you know Al Ikhlas, recite it. If you know auzubillahiminashaytanirajim, say it. Just do whatever you can for now.

So what, if you are a struggling Muslim? I was born a Muslim, yet I am a struggling Muslim still, so what? I am not afraid to talk about my ignorance openly, I am not ashamed to say I don't know. But you know what? I am very grateful for whatever little thing I know because I know who my Teacher is and I know He loves me. And the best part is that no one knows how deep my gratitude is, no one but me. And you, only you knew what He had whispered into your heart that made you embrace Islam 3 years ago. It must have been a sweet whisper but I know not because it was you who heard it, it was you who tasted it.

I am not holier than you or anybody else to be making a good du'a but I love the habaib and the shuyukh, so I pray that for the love I have for them, Allah will have mercy on you and me. We are both the same, we are struggling Muslims. So I pray with their barakah may Allah grant us hidayah and tawfik. May He grant to all struggling Muslims hidayah and tawfik so that we'll all become better Muslims than we were yesterday.

Ameen Ya Allah, Ya Hadi, Ya Zul Jalal li wal Ikram.

Ya Zul Jalal li wal Ikram
The Lord of Majesty & Bounty
Poster credit: H.Yoozbashi/Todayposters.com